Looking at my dating/romantic relationship history, and putting it up against that of my twin sister's, I can sincerely say mine is a disaster of sorts. For one, most of the boys I have dated/been in a relationship with can not exactly be classified as "take-me-to-your-mom" material.

At 23, I have been in four relationships. I have to qualify that this number is only because these are the relationships which had commitment of sorts. However, I have dated or had been involved with my fair share of men and boys. Looking at it now, I get disgusted at all my choices. Disgusted is actually a mild term. True that these relationships may have had some merits, however there are some parts of it which can only make me go facepalm every time I get reminded.

So here we are, a recollection of some of the worst romantic involvements I had, hoping that no one else in the world ever makes the same mistakes I did.

Romantic Involvement #1
Let me nitpick pet peeves: (1) I had to fetch him from work after school. (2) I can not sustain a conversation with him as he is terrible in English.He can not even write one sentence in English (3) Over-protective to a point where he once slept outside my window so that I will never go out and see my friends after 7pm. (4) We argued intensely about the fact that I had a crush on Christian Bautista and told him that I intend to have elevator sex with him. (5) He once hit me because of some argument. While it may be my fault, I don't think it was warranted.

Our usual dating routine involved me fetching him from work, eating out, arguing about this boy I had an insane crush on, telling me to speak in Tagalog "dahil nasa Pilipinas tayo"  because I talk in English all the time.

Something endearing about him: He works as a chef. Our meals are good the few rare instances he cooks them.

Romantic Involvement #2
Let me nitpick pet peeves: (1) He was over-eager to announce and claim to the world our romantic involvement. He gets irritated that my Facebook status remains single despite my seeing him and the fact that he was involved with someone else (2) He is terrible in English, by terrible I mean he does not know how to use the articles, he does not understand subject-verb agreements, and continues to write in English. (3) His stupid begging tantrums with marching motions and arm movements. (4) That ugly name he calls me by. Eew. Please to not ask. (5) Overly jealous over the most banal of things. Uhm, may girlfriend ka. Wag kang unfair.

Our usual dating routine involved me waiting for him to get home from work, hoping that his girlfriend would never see us or that any of his girlfriend's friends. Arguing about the same boy I had an insane crush on from the previous enumeration. He asked me never to date a photographer, a programmer, a designer or anyone involved in insurance/marketing after him. A couple of days after making that promise I dated someone who happens to be 3 out of the 4 restrictions he had set. Good job me!

Something endearing about him: Understandably he is a good person, despite the fact that he can be selfish and immature at times. He is sweet and he looks out for my family at times.

Romantic Involvement #3
Let me nitpick pet peeves: (1) He can not differentiate "fun" from "fan", "they're" from "their" and "there". (2) Straight teeth, good hair. (3) He is too assuming, to a point that he claimed I was in love with him. (4) Hopeless romantic. Pleading. Too available. Manchild. (5) His fugly laugh.

Our usual dating routine involved asking me what I think about him. Him telling me all his good traits and why girls fawn over him. Talking about him and his hopeless romantic ways.

Something endearing about him: I can not think of anything right now.

There we go. Did I do that?

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*this entry is brought about by the fact that I read an ex's blog just recently. Said ex is included in this list.

Fête de la Musique in Metrowalk Ortigas last Saturday (20 June 2009) was fun. While I didn't get to watch a lot of bands--saw only a few, with Turbogoth and Taken by Cars as the ones I remember the most--it was the conversation with some friends after (over a few bottles of beer) which made the night an amusing one to recall.

I can not quite remember who brought the topic up: the bare minimum requirement for a relationship. I misinterpreted the question as the "worst guy who you can imagine yourself going out on one date with," this is surprising considering that no one has even mentioned any of those words in the conversation. I had even enumerated requirements such as listens to Spongecola and 33 yo as the bare minimum. (I would never date anyone who can not offer me a good song, and is beyond 5 years my senior.)

Thinking about it now, I know at least one type which I am pretty sure to stay away from: an Aquarius.

I have only dated two Aquarians in my entire life. However, this does not mean that I do not know any Aquarius. In fact, thinking about it now and counting all the people I do not like and am disgusted at, it would be safe to say that a notable majority of them are Aquarius.

If you are an Aquarius and you are reading this, I suggest for you to do any of the two things below:

3) A boy born on the same day as my father. I will not put his name here. Two things I do not like most about this boy are: he uses people as an emotional crutch for happiness and that he is too clingy. I remember the exact moment I began to feel disgusted the moment he told me: "I know you love me too." Holyfvck, what? Ugh, NO.

4 & 5) My aunt and one of her daughters. Thinking about these two reminds me of the worst betrayals in my life. Considering their very narrow mind and their rigidity in opinion, I should have never been surprised that these Aquarians would never listen to other people's opinion other than the ones they are already accustomed to.

6) My cousin born on the 14th of February. This cousin of mine deserves an entry altogether. Which is what I will be doing within the week.

7) A college roomie born on the same day as my father. No, this isn't the one I tried to poison (lol). Conservative, possessive, and very judgmental. Our falling apart began when she started reading the messages in my phone suspecting that her girlfriend is cheating on her with me. While she remains to be one of the two Aquarians who are still dear to me, our relationship had gone from being warm to cold.

Because Aquarius left a bad taste in my mouth, I would like to declare that one of the bare minimum requirements for a harmonious relationship with me is that they are not Aquarius.

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And because posts are better with photos, here is one of the two photos taken of me in Fête (from L to R) Nikki, JJ, Kath, Helga and Kel. (almost in photo is Alex):

I could, without hesitation, have one of my fingers chopped for the people I love. If love can be quantified by means of things we lose and sacrifice, then that would be a near metaphor. I could also say that most of those people I would gladly risk life and limb for can be found in the sidebar of this blog. One of which is the reason for this mix playlist.

Joy Camille, this one's for you.

If only it is that simple: a formula for heart thievery, that if performed and calculated well could easily be the way to steal a heart. Here are but some of those: INSTRUCTIONS FOR HEART THIEVERY.

What can be seen about this playlist is they have one clear sentence involving a verb, an imperative to move and display a heart.

I tried my best to get songs from male artists and bands with male singers, considering that I know Joy Camille likes them like that. With the few exceptions on some of my favorites.

Enjoy.

I could easily be the poster girl for bad relationship choices. Let's see now:

1. I once dated a boy who is jobless, shouts at me in the middle of the street, and waits for me to pick him up at his place.
2. I once dated a boy who was about to get married, in a few months.
3. I once dated a boy who had a girlfriend. Technically not "in a relationship" when I dated him, but you get the deal.
4. I almost had a relationship with this boy who can not differentiate "FUN" from "FAN". Who refuses to use spell check in the dictionary, and who use other people as emotional crutches for happiness. (I am quoting my sister for that last one).

SEE: bad relationship and dating choices. Bad, bad. Every year, I resolve to make wiser decisions. I am 23. I swear, I hope I make it right before I turn 27. Although I think I can safely say I can tell boys what it is which turn off girls. Well, yeah, because I am one. So let me help some boys in this department.

A Girl's Guide to Dont's: How NOT to turn off a girl you like

• DO NOT use a language you are not completely comfortable with. This is the easiest trick in the book. I do not know about some girls, but I hate it when a boy I am starting to like can not differentiate FUN from FAN, or when to use THEIR, THEY'RE and THERE. Turn off.  I am a big sucker for boys who can use the appropriate words in a sentence. I get giddy over words used properly. Chroma, concedingly, reset. However, improper use does the complete opposite. Come on, TURN OFF! be careful, because I am notorious for taking screen shots of bad status messages. Which means, yes I take it out against the boy. The simplest solution is that: Magtagalog ka na lang, leche.
• DO NOT ignore her Facebook Updates. If she says she hates Twilight, make a mental note never to imitate the Edward Cullen look and Edward Cullen ways. It is not that I am encouraging you to stalk her, but making a quick mental note on what she hates and what she likes is not a big deal. In fact, considering that you have the means then you might as well employ it.
• DO NOT tell her that you read ALL her blogs, and assume that you know everything about her already. I mean, fine, read her blogs, man. In fact, I encourage it. But do not ever assume that the entirety of her personality can be equated to whatever is rendered in the written word. I remember the same guy who uses FUN instead of FAN once declared a similar statement to this. Needless to say well, we do not talk anymore. I mean only people with low intelligence would assume that. Sure, my blog is public domain, but then again my personality is detached from the writtern word.
• DO NOT call and text her every waking second and expect her to text you back everytime. If she likes you, she will reply to your messages. But then if she does not it does not it might mean that she is busy. Do not scare her off by leaving 7 messages in her inbox, do not go emotionally crossed when she does not reply. Her personality is detached from yours. Understand that even husband and wife need personal space. She is just begining to like you. Come on, unless you want to look like an emotional retard who depend on love and affection like it is water and air.
• DO NOT tell her she looks like your ex, that one who broke your heart and cheated on you with that fugly looking foreigner. I mean come on! COME ON! Do not tell her your mom told you so, or that your sister told you so. Never ever mention it.
• DO NOT be over-eager in declaring your undying love and affection to her. Haven't you watched CLOSER before? It's just a kiss, what are you twelve? Nothing scares people more than having to hear you go hopeless romantic, emphasis on the hopeless, on them. If you have just met her, you do not love her! Why are there some boys who are over-eager to claim someone's heart? It is not a kingdom waiting to be annexed the moment you set foot on the territory.

Perhaps you might have a few things in common, but it does not mean that she will willingly forgive your faults in a heartbeat. Think about it, she is just starting to like you, unless you want to be the poster boy for DATING DON'Ts.

I am single. While I do not relish the idea entirely, I appreciate how things are going in my love life. I go out on "dates" with people. They are not really serious dates, but more or less, they can be considered a date in the entire sense of the word.

There are dates which I will go out on: breakfast dates, lunch dates, and any date which falls before 6pm. But there are exceptions to the rule. The one date, while it is completely harmless, which I will not go out on, is the ICE CREAM DATE.

True enough, eating Ice Cream is a completely harmless idea. You and a friend, go out for ice cream, walk and talk over the random banalities of everyday. But eating ice cream is a traitor. While being masked harmless, it is one of those dates which will mess up your systems.

I have previously mentioned in an earlier post that:

12. Don't eat ice cream with her. What did I tell you about vulnerability? When do girls usually eat ice cream? When she is down and vulnerable! And when you are there, you are the gallant white knight to her Cinderella fantasies. So don't do this one, too

The ICE CREAM DATE is a harmless date. You would not want to do this to your friend because you do not want her to fall in love with you. Bad, bad idea. While subtle, the ICE CREAM DATE is a stealthy way to get the girl of your dreams.

Last Friday, a friend of mine asked me out for ice cream. It was relatively harmless. I knew that he does not mean any malice on his part. He just wanted me to feel better because of something that happened in the afternoon. But I can not bring myself to accept his offer. I know we are good friends, but I can not bring myself to eat ice cream with him because of the aforementioned enumeration in a previous post.

If there is any boy who is reading this, never take your friend out for ice cream. Especially if you do not want her to harbor some secret feelings for you. More so if she has already been harboring some secret crush on you. Never take her out for ice cream. Even if you go DUTCH.